Moms, ever feel under-appreciated? I don't want to write a post listing all the things we, as moms do and all the occupations we provide, I probably already have. I also don't want to write about the big mom debate regarding working vs stay at home moms. I just want to write about my feelings. They have more to do with being a mother than they have to do with working or not.
Sometimes, I feel insignificant. Like a fixture in the house. Just someone who is there to do what people need. Tie shoes. Iron clothes. Cook food. Pick up the dirty socks. I suppose it should make one feel needed but when you're only conversation consists of demands and requests on any given day, it kinda hurts. The almost 13 and the 11 year old have started getting an attitude at times and I'm pretty sure it's tame compared to some older teens but the annoyed tone and the eye rolls hurt too.
I think that kids don't think of their mom as an actual person in and of themselves, until they are older. My older two have started to notice things like my favorite shows or that I write a blog, but for the most part, they think of me as mom. The go-to person when they need something for school or want a snack. And that's natural. It's my job to take care of them and I don't resent it. It's only once in a while that I have a day or a week that makes me feel that it's a thankless job and I'm pretty much a servant. It seems to them that a clean dish is just magically there, and it doesn't cross their mind how their clothes are clean again in their drawers sometimes. I'm not complaining that I have to do these things. It's just frustrating that they don't acknowledge it.
E is often salve on the wounds though, he lets me know he appreciates what I do or voices these things in front of the kids. He'll tell them to thank me for the nice dinner and remind them that we each have a role in the family and what would happen if Mama just stopped washing our clothes or making your lunch? Alhamdulillah, it helps a lot.
I'm not one of those martyr moms that feel like their children are their every living breath, that have no life outside of them. I also don't feel that being a mother is a sacrifice, in anyway. I 'm in the middle. I love my kids. I also like them, in fact. I like the people they have become and their unique personalities. I enjoy spending free time with them. I look at the tough times, the daily monotony, the discipline, all of that as an investment. It keeps me sane sometimes and other times I lose it. When no one is listening, when they won't stop fighting and I've had enough. There have been times where I've wanted to hide. Times that I'm counting the minutes until bedtime. Maybe that makes me sound like a bad mom, but I know all moms have those days too.
Mostly, moms just want to feel valued. I know in my head, rationally, that my family appreciates what I do for them but there are always those moments where you feel walked all over. It's almost a longing to feel important or to have someone worry about you instead of you being the one doing all the worrying. In the end, I'm doing my best and I know when they get older, inshaAllah, they will look back and see me, their mother, as a person, like I did with my mom.