November 16, 2009

Me, Myself And I

Do enjoy quality time with your self?

I grew up with a brother and sister, so I was almost never alone. In the beginning of my marriage, when E was at work, I hated being alone. I never enjoyed alone time much until I had kids. Now, I definitely know the value of peace and quiet.I learned to revel in being with myself. I can appreciate having an uninterrupted phone conversation or an uninterrupted thought, at that.

Now that all the kids go to school, I have time to do some things I need or want to do without distractions. House work, blogging, reading and my favorite, going out for coffee with a friend. Going out without kids was a fantasy not too long ago. My best friend and I have even been to a couple of matinees while the kids were in school!

Mostly what I'm talking about here though, is time alone, by yourself and yourself only. Do you like it? I recently had time to kill and went into a coffee shop and sat by myself in an establishment for the first time. When I was younger I would feel too awkward to sit alone, but it was fine. Enjoyable even.

I can only do so much during school hours though because most shops and businesses here don't open until noon or later and Safiyah comes home at 1:30. So I make sure I'm home in plenty of time. The day continues, everyone else comes home. It's a bit chaotic with studies, dinner and everything else that needs to be done. I find myself, on particularly crazy days, counting the minutes before bedtime. If that sounds bad, I'm sorry, but it's true. And if you're a mom, you know.

After the kids go to bed and alone time is restored, a sense of calm washes over the apartment and all is right with the world. This doesn't mean I don't like spending time with my family. Not at all, I love hanging out with my kids. It's just the everyday monotony that gets tiring.

I think everyone needs time to themselves to be able to think, focus, and reflect. Our lives today are so filled with distractions, and commitments, so we need to savor those times we have to ourselves. Whether it's spent cleaning, doing a soduku, taking a walk or just being, enjoy it.

12 comments:

  1. YEEEEESSSSS!! I get it. I need it. If I don't get some quiet it's hard for me.

    You're completely normal, as I'm sure you know. With children, a joy though it is mostly, there is rarely a 'quiet' time. For me all that talk is just tooooo much sometimes and I just have to say ''STOP''. They then continue on as they wish :O

    I love being with my kids too and it's not ''the everyday monotony that gets tiring'' it's (as I said before) just the noise and the full on activity. I'm much more relaxed and like to ''cruise''.

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  2. Oh dear Mona, I was nodding and umm-hmmm'ing all the way through this post! You hit, like, all the points mashaa Allaah that we as mothers try to get across to our loved ones. What I hate is when certain people (mostly Egyptian women) try to make you feel guilty about wanting alone time away from the husband and kids! I noticed that most of those doing the criticizing are the ones who are really depressed and miserable because they have given in to this notion that your family is your life. No sir-ree-bob, it isn't. Taking care of family is only one of many priorities...just as important as tending to one's own needs. I feel like if I can't even take care of my own needs, then taking care of everyone else becomes a chore, done begrudgingly and without love.

    Thanks for this post, I really needed it!

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  3. I don't have kids but I definitely enjoy time alone. When the husband is at work I love to get cooking and cleaning done without him in the way. I love to read a book without him jumping around trying to get my attention. I love to read blogs or have a nice quiet cup of tea. I do like to have walks on my own and I've always went into coffee shops etc. alone. I just don't mind it.

    BTW I love the new blog template :)

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  4. Ms. M, Yes, the noise. It's really loud here. I'm the type of person who can't talk on the phone w/out muting the TV, so a lot of noise at the same time just bugs me.

    Asiya, I know what you mean about some women, but I 've seen the other extreme. Women who totally neglect their kids and never want to be around their family. Balance is the key ;)

    Jaz, That's great, If you plan on having children, make sure to keep doing that sometimes. Thanks. I worked really hard on the template and I'm proud!

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  5. I totally get it, unfortunately I can count the times I was completely alone since my daughter was born on one hand. :-(. But I do get some me time after she has gone to bed and my husband is still out.

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  6. Mom of 21:11 AM

    I love this "motherly" thoughts soo much and I appreciate it when you make me feel like not alone in this..no one can really feel what you r talking about unless she is a mom having this hectic daily routine life of : lunch,homeworks "lots of them",dinner,then arranging assignments in files and putting them neatly in bags,then ironing uniforms and waiting for some to dry,preparing lunch boxes carefully and making sure everyone got what he really wants so you want have all the food back "crushed and not eatable at all!! ;)...all this plus cooking,laundry,cleaning and being concerned about big quarrels with other boys at school and exams results...etc.
    Looking at clocks and "counting the minutes" is quite a normal "human" act and is an expected consequence of devotion..If we r not doing ALL these stuff and if we aren't devoted enough we won't be longing that much for these precious moments of having to do nothing at all!!Those who always do nothing at all and those who r always in a relaxation mode don't value these moments of silence cuz they r always relaxing no matter what!!
    I'm Egyptian and I'm so much in love with my wonderful hubby and boys and feel that without them my life would have been so meaningless and empty yet I'm admitting being in love with those moments when I lay on the couch with a facial,a laptop & a documentary movie or show ALONE!! Any DEVOTED mom who don't admit loving quietness after the storm is just a big liar!!

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  7. oh god, i TOTALLY know what you're talking abt!

    i'm a working mom, so lunch hours when all my gfs don't want to go out for lunch are enjoyable too. its the time i get to read a book... read blogs, schedule or write a post for the blog...

    i also get some alone time some days at home when my husband picks the daughter up on his way home from the office. so i usually take that time to watch my favourite shows or do (much needed) housework , tidying up, laundry, ironing....

    I think I'd have gone crazy ages ago without alone time.

    and yes, sometimes i count the hours til bedtime too!! lol

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  8. I totally get what you mean. up until the kids started school i was going crazy, i would sometimes feel like crying because i couldn't even have a few minutes in the bathroom without the kids knocking on the door!!!!
    now that they are at school i love mornings where i could just sit and enjoy the quiet, catch up on reading or even do a little bit of cross stitch.
    without these quiet moments we would go crazy and offer our family a miserable life.
    we all know that we love our kids but we MUST have a little quiet time to keep us functioning.

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  9. JessyZ, It's really hard when they are still young and dependent. It's good you have some time after she goes to bed. At one point I'd sleep and wake with the kids and it was all kids all the time.

    Mom of 2, you explained it perfectly!

    Kit Pryde, Glad to know it's not just me!

    Maria, Oh I know, they used to put their little hands under the bathroom door. It stopped being cute after the first time!

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  10. Hi Mona,
    I came across your blog by chance the other day and had bookmarked it for some quiet time, so here I am! I also found myself nodding my head throughout. I love the part about the sense of calm washing throughout the apartment; once i've put the boys down to sleep and i go about tidying each room, doing the prep for the next day and whatever else I make a much needed cup of tea and have ME time. I might study that evening, check my mail, call a friend, have a night in with DH but it's MY time and i look forward to it all day. Thanks for that lovely post. :-)

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  11. Umm, I'm glad it resonated with you. I'm having alone time now. :)

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  12. I LOVE quality time alone, but with four children I almost never get it!

    It is important for sanity! lol

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Thanks for commenting!