November 9, 2009

The Beautiful People vs Mr/Mrs. Personality

Do you think that people who are not that good looking have better personalities? Remember that old song "They call you Mr. Personality because you're so ugly!" Well that was an extreme but you know the how people think when someone describes a person as having a "great personality" that automatically means they're not a looker? Of course beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but I'm talking about just general societal standards, so play along. I don't mean any offense to anyone so take this with a grain of salt.

You see, I have this theory: People who are of below average looks are forced to rely on other aspects of their self. They develop a good sense of humor, they're funny. They focus on studies/reading and therefore become better students/smarter. They are more unique. These traits are developed in childhood, more towards the tween/teen years. I also think people who are beautiful get ahead in life more easily. They get special treatment, more opportunities, and attention. When someone who is, let's say plain, doesn't have these advantages, it builds character. Less attractive people learn there is more to them than the outside and build that, while a lot of the time beautiful people depend on their looks to get by because it works. I'm referring to physical beauty here only. A sense of humor and intelligence is more important and more beautiful, I think.

I suppose beautiful people get preferential treatment because humans are visual. We're subconsciously drawn to good looking people. Also, people go by first impressions and think if something looks good, it must be good. It's like The Hunchback of Notre Dame. People hated him on his looks alone and it happens all the time in this world. While hotties get to skip lines, free stuff and better service. It's not fair but it's true.

The best is when you don't care what anyone thinks. I'll admit, I get intimidated around really beautiful women. Just nervous and self conscious. I'm working on it though.

What do you think? Do pretty people have it easier in life? Do less attractive people have better personalities?


  1. omg i sooo agree
    I remember i lost alot of weight
    a while ago now, but i walked into a dressy shop and the woman were all over me trying to 'offer me help' as soon as i put the weight back on,i was just another girl in that shop..its so weird..

    I really hate how it happens actually its just wrong,I think everyone has there own outter beauty,just now days people are so superficial they dont even realise it.

    we are equal its a shame people run off pluses and minuses

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  3. ummm yeah that happened to me because when I was a non hijabi i noticed that guys were alot more attentive and now that im hijabi they ignore me LOL but I dont mind.

    Also I dont think looks has to do with personality. I think personality is just personality because theres many attractive people with good personalities and theres some ugly people with ugly personalities. Personally I think we dont like the concept of 100% beautiful which is beautiful from outside and inside so we think that because someone has an ugly personality and there attractive at the same time we assume its because of their looks but its not its just the media playing with our minds.

  4. NO AGREE!!! ;)))

    I have both ;))

  5. Lol re Sarah's comment on hijab.

    There may be some truth in it...but perhaps only where the person is really considered exceptionally beautiful or exceptionally good looking and is set apart from a young age by peers, family etc etc. Because then I can see that if they've had their looks to rely on then the other stuff may not develop as much.

    But I'm not sure for most people because there are a lot of beautiful people around; it's so subjective. There are also many people who aren't considered ''beautiful'' who are real pains in the butt (don't know if that is one or two t's).

    But I can relate to what skye was saying ... there are many situations where a person can get ignored, or get preferential treatment where it's really not warranted. I'm just not sure how much of that is necessarily beauty per se.

    I hope I haven't answered in too serious a way ;)

  6. Skye, I've heard of that happening with people who lose weight. It must be odd.

    Sara, yea hijab is a good example but depending on where you live you get looks but, you know, different kinds of looks.

    Mr M, lol yea two t's. not too serious at all! Thanks for your thoughts.

  7. UmmTravis, not sure what you mean, you agree? or not?

  8. salam,

    hi mona.

    i agree that most pretty people get stuff in life easier than average looking people....

    but being pretty or not doesn't help you personality wise (at least, not much)

    but for me, people can still be jerks even when they're average looking. well, it does take all types of people to make this world, maybe its due to the nurturing and the environment too.

  9. Nice post Sis ... Well beautiful people do get a lot of attention but I think it's the personality that makes a person even more beautiful ... and you are right "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" ... I think everyone has a different perspective ....

    LOL the surroundings where I live in there's respect and concern only for people who are rich, or have high status and yes beauty too but that's at a lesser degree than the first two ... If you are rich and have high status people will swarm around you like the bee's on beehive or they might even be ready to wash your feet for you *rolls eyes* ...

    "Do pretty people have it easier in life?" Answer: Mostly

    "Do less attractive people have better personalities?" Answer: Maybe ...

    Yeah I too feel intimidated around really beautiful young ladies ... But I'd say Alhamdulillah for whatever Allah has given me of beauty and personality :)

  10. Anonymous12:28 PM

    Salam honeybee :)!
    In the last few days I was so enjoying when I read your blog (I mean I always do),but I didn't have time to comment.
    You opened a very interesting subject here!Of course,looks matter and beautiful looking people have it easier in their life.But,if one rely only on this,than one is lost.One should always strive for the inner beauty,no matter if one is already beautiful on the outside.Furthermore,I think people who aren't so good looking on the outside,should also do something for their looks.Why not?
    However,the best combination is the inner beauty and outside beauty all mixed in one :)!
    Your post also reminded me of something!When I was a teenager,there was this really amazingly beautiful girl in my village.Everyone,boys and girls wanted to be her,too.She really atracted people like a magnet!Well,years went by and today she's just a beautiful stupid woman.She has never had the need to do something for people to be her friends,but with years going by children grow up and become grown-ups with standards.You want the whole house,not just the front part!She's so build up nowadays,and I'm not the only one to say that.Anyways,Allah knows best and I'm not the one to judge. look and are beautiful,so please do not feel ever intimidated by other beautiful women.For me you're one of the most beautiful women I know of!I wish I'd be like you are.

  11. Anonymous7:00 PM

    This is a really interesting topic and what with all the standards different parts of society put on women and even men concerning beauty and popularity, a lot of time the same opinions just keep getting reiterated. I really want to respond to this but excuse me if my reply is incoherent. im rushing on my way to class, but a lot of time you hear people who are beautiful say "thats not true. Its hard for us too." and depending on who you are you may or may not believe that is a shallow response. whereas you hear the "o hes hilarious, fat-funny guy" comment that it almost becomes second nature. maybe they are related, but i think i only agree on a superficial level. yes there will always be people who are attracted to whats beautiful, why else do we shop in expensive stores with good lightening and beautiful window displays. but then there is the term "chubby chaser" applied to 'gorgeous' women who find the sincerity rolling off the 'fat-but-funny' guy more important than looks. wouldnt that mean they have more personality then the shallow women of the world who appear to be less than beautiful, so concerned with their appearance to the world and compliance to a manipulative social order. wouldnt that mean that these standards are failing. or maybe it just means they are not all that related.
    k idk if that made any sense. complete off the top of my head rambling.
    -Halah Zenhom

  12. i heard that by the time you are 6 yrs old that your personality and character traits are pretty much set for life. so i dunno

  13. Hi Kit, I agree about the nurturing especially.

    Ms Unique, Thanks for your thought out comment. It's interesting how it differs in different societies, yet is the same in many ways.

    Jasmina, hey chickadee! Interesting story. Thanks!

    Halah! I love when family read! Great comment, made total sense, thanks!

    Ange, I don't know but people do change. I was really shy as a kid but I out grew it. I suppose some personality traits are set that young though.

  14. At the risk of sounding very self centered, I'm gonna have to go with: Yes. It makes a huge difference.

    When I was a preteen/early teen I wasn't very attractive. However I lost A LOT of weight, let my hair grow out, and puberty helped carve out my features more, making me a lot more attractive.

    Honestly, people who completely ignored me or even mocked me of BOYH sexes, started to treat me with a lot more respect. Mind you, I didn't change personality at all. I kept the same friends and company and had the same interests. Nothing at all was different with me personality-wise.

    I've been outright MEAN to guys (not 'hard to get' but mean) to some dudes and they are still convinced they like me and want to pursue me.

    Honestly, I don't think there's anything particularly special in me personality-wise. I think I'm likeable and agreeable but nothing that makes me shine out. I dunno but because of certain things, I find it very hard to believe that guys like me for more than looks alone.

  15. I think people who are sure of themselves and have lots of confidence - "attractive" or "not" - are actually the ones who get ahead in life. Notice how I put attractive and not in quote/unquotes. Different societies, and even different subcultures within one society have different perceptions as to what's attractive and what's not. So because there's no one world perception of attractiveness/beauty, I'd say that personality and an air of "having it together" (thru appearance, clothing choices, gestures, body language, etc.) go a lot further than just looks alone. At least that's what I can remember from most of my dealings with people.

    Interesting topic!

  16. Mom of 212:20 AM

    I do agree that attractive persons especially women are mistakingly taken as shallow empty headed,spoiled brats and below average frumpy ones must be the grounded good thinkers who have high mental capabilities.Thats an unfair prevailing misconception in my opinion.And I think the ones who invented this faulty misconception r the plain looking ones themselves.We have studied this theory in psychology,so it has some scientific justification.In arabic its called "al taaweed" theory".You know they made it as such :"okay..this dumb diva got the looks and I got the brains..she is a shallow spoiled brat and I'm the responsible super duper one with the high mentality"..But that's so untrue..Alluring ladies can have the brains too and can be highly intelligent and analytical.and ugly ones SOMETIMES have ugly personalities cuz they feel that they have been always victimized by the cruelty of the world.

    You reminded me of a cousin who used to send his sister to see future wives to be for him..when she returns from the bride's home he always asks "is she beautiful or smart?!" as if no one woman can ever have both traits at the same time...That's odd and hilarious :D :D!!

    I don't like using the word "ugly" to describe any of Allah's creations.I use it just when I'm referring to an ugly personality cuz thats what matters the most "at least to me".and the word "ugly" to describe the physical appearance is so extreme cuz no one is really ugly unless he is some elephant man or Quasimodo of Hunchback".Everyone got his or her own special beauty.

    And I wonder why you feel intimidated when being in the company of pretty women Mona..cuz you r Masha'allah so cute yourself :)

  17. Majda, it's not self centered, just self aware. It's unfortunate but I believe it, I've seen it happen. Thanks for commenting.

    Asiya, I agree about "havng it together" Thanks!

    Mom of 2 , Yea of course that's the stereo type and it's not a rule. There are plenty of people blessed with both looks, smarts and personality. Thanks!

  18. I don't think you can say that a pretty girl has bad personality and an average looking girl or even a less pretty girl has a good one. What about the ugly ducklings, like me? I grew up being nothing, skinny, pale, short, freckly, weird. Now I really have "blossomed" if I may say so, and I'm getting closer to thirty. I'm not a hijabi, and people tell me how pretty I am. It's so strange for me, because not long ago a lot of people told me the opposite.

    But I do belive that "ugly" people have to develop a personality that is more interesting simply to get people interested in knowing you. It's a survivor's tecnique, I think. And suddenly, you might have both.

    And Mona: you're gorgeous!!!

    Great blog :)

  19. Kris, Yea I don't mean it as a rule of course. I think it's also possible to blossom personality wise as well. Thanks!

  20. I think it's all about the confidence.

    My old roommate isn't the most beautiful woman in the world but she's very attractive because of her self-confidence. It draws people to her because she just doesn't care.

    Looking around, I've seen the most beautiful women go ignored because they're self-conscious and the least beautiful people still get good attention because they're so confident.

    I think in a lot of ways, we attribute that confidence to beauty, as it tends to overshadow what our eyes see.

  21. Hi Mona great post...
    I just want to say that this is the case everywhere...sad, but true.
    When Amira was maybe 5 or 6 I heard her saying over and over, "I'm so pretty.." When I went into her room I found her prancing in front of the mirror...weird, but not abnormal.

    Call me a mean or crazy mom, but I took her a few days later to cut her hair (all of it) which was her pride and joy, and gave a her a long talk about being smart and having self-respect.

    Mind you the kid was like 5 or 6, but I was horrified. It's hard.

  22. Noor, I agree. People's confidence and wonderful personality can often trump any physical beauty.

    Salma, Wow, you were horrified that she said I'm so pretty over and over?

  23. Anonymous5:40 AM

    Mona, I do tend to agree with your theory. I have known many people that where allowed to depend on their looks and weren't pushed by their parents to look deeper into themselves or to reach for something other than their beauty. This is is equally true for men as well as women. There are people that possess the personality, character and beauty, but those that I know had families that yes yes you are lovely, but what ELSE are you?

    My sister had a rule about dating. She learned the hard way that often, the handsome men acted like any woman should be greatful that he would date them, that he didn't need to treat her well or be kind. SO, no more handsome men - they tried to get by on looks alone and it made them ugly in the end. She would say " I will take the funny, kind bald guy over the model any day!".
    BTW, it is kind of funny because my sister is lovely, but out mother was one of those moms that always said, "you are not how you look! You are what is inside your heart, your soul and how you treat the world." She actually refused to let my sister model when she was recruited because she didn't feel it was a good way for a young girl to live. Now, my sister has an amazing career based on her brain, and her drive and education. Things that she might never have had, if she had been allowed to live off of her beauty as a model. She also has a very handsome husband, but he has no clue he is good looking. Her son is a beautiful child, but she is already teaching him the same lesson our mom taught us. It is fine to look nice on the outside, but if you are ugly inside, that is the worst thing in the world.

  24. Liz, your mom was really wise and it's wonderful that your sister is passing on that wisdom.

    I also think women are better able to look past appearances than men.

  25. Anonymous2:50 AM

    Awww Thank you Mona! You actually remind me quite often of my mother. Far younger of course but you have the same sensibilities and moral compass. And you know how much I adored my mother. :)

    My sis called me to day coincidentally to tell me that she found out that one of the very handsome men she had dated many years ago, had lost everything and was in prison for making very bad choices with his life. She stopped dating him because she didn't like his moral code and remember mom telling her that there are some areas in life you just don't compromise. Now we know she was very right!

  26. Liz, Being compared to your mom is a huge compliment, thanks.

  27. No I was horrified that being told how beautiful she was was becoming a negative stain more than anything else. She's a beautiful girl, but so what, what about a brain?

    She's 10 grew back (it's hair). And in the "Black" community hair is a big issue. My husband thinks it was a harsh thing to do, but it didn't hurt her.

  28. Salma, Yea of course it didn't hurt her. A lot of people here cut their girls hair short because they think it makes it thicker.

  29. Anonymous7:18 AM

    I honestly think that my mom made me get my long hair cut when I was 14. It was very long and lovely and I admit, a source of pride. Mom never really said why; she only said it was time to do it. I cried, but looking back I think she didn't want me to gain too much attention or focus too much on looks. I looked far older than 14 and men commented on my hair in particular. She was probably right to not let me get too proud of something external that garnered unwanted male attention. I just wanted to let you know you were not alone your quest for a grounded daughter.
    Liz :O)

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